On Body Counts, Dead Husbands and Self Care

Jun 23, 2024

If you've never been dumped on what was supposed to be a romantic dinner date, I'll set the scene. Picture this: a beautifully set table, candles flickering, a delicious five-course dinner, and me - your favorite disaster-prone writer - dressed to the nines and ready for love. Or so I thought. Last week, I found myself in a swanky Lagos restaurant, eagerly awaiting my Prince Charming. Instead, I got served a heaping plate of heartbreak with a side of public humiliation. But don't worry, I'll spill all the cringeworthy details later!

Today on International Widow’s Day, we are diving headfirst into the gloomy waters of spousal loss and inheritance battles. And because we're all about balance, we're also tackling the empowering topic of "Self-Love in the Digital Age." Of course, it wouldn't be The Monthly Recounting without our infamous Sexual Health Corner. This time, we're exploring the touchy subject of Purity Culture - prepare to have your mind blown and your cheeks blushing! But life isn't all romantic meltdowns and sexy revelations. We've got the latest Community News to keep you in the know, plus a fresh batch of Exciting Opportunities that might just change your life (in a good way, unlike my dating life).

So grab a glass of wine, get comfy, and let's dive into this rollercoaster of a newsletter. It's about to get juicy!

International Widows Day

Today, as we mark International Widows Day, we need to shine a light on some truly invisible warriors among us – widows. The stats might shock you: globally, there are around 258 million widows, and nearly one in ten live in extreme poverty. Yet, their struggles often go unnoticed and unaddressed.

Widows face a unique set of challenges. In many parts of the world, they lose not just their partners but their social status, their homes, and sometimes even their children. Financial instability is rampant, with widows frequently denied access to inheritance and property rights. In Nigeria, for instance, it's estimated that over 3.5 million widows live in poverty, facing societal exclusion and economic hardship.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. We can make a difference! Here are a few ways to support widows in our communities:

Advocate for Legal Rights: Push for reforms that ensure widows have equal rights to inheritance and property. Legal advocacy can help dismantle the structural barriers that keep widows marginalized.
Provide Economic Opportunities: Support initiatives that offer vocational training and microfinance to widows. Economic empowerment is key to helping them rebuild their lives.
Raise Awareness: Use your voice to highlight the issues facing widows. The more people know, the more we can work together to create change.
Offer Emotional Support: Sometimes, a listening ear and a kind word can make all the difference. Community support groups can provide a safe space for widows to share their experiences and find solidarity.

Remember, behind every statistic is a woman with a story. Let's make sure these stories are heard and these women are supported. Together, we can help turn their invisibility into strength and resilience.

Self-Love in the Digital Age

In a world of fake news and photoshop, the realest thing you can be is yourself. Have you ever scrolled through Instagram and felt like everyone’s life is picture-perfect except yours? Yep, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. But here’s the tea: behind every flawless selfie and curated feed is a real person with real struggles. In the age of social media, it's easy to fall into the comparison trap, but it’s time we flipped the script and embraced self-love in the digital age.

Let’s talk about self-love. No, it’s not just bubble baths and face masks (though those are awesome!). Self-love is about recognizing your worth, setting boundaries, and celebrating your unique journey. Here’s how to sprinkle a little more self-love into your digital life:

Follow accounts that uplift and inspire you. Unfollow anything that makes you feel less than amazing. Your social media should be a source of positivity, not pressure.
Take breaks from your screen. Go outside, read a book, or call a friend. Disconnect to reconnect with yourself and the world around you.
Share your true self online. Whether it’s a bad hair day or a major life achievement, authenticity breeds connection. Remember, you’re amazing just as you are!
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on what makes you unique. You’re not in competition with anyone – you’re on your own beautiful journey.
Use social media to foster real connections. Engage in meaningful conversations, support others, and build a community that feels like a safe space.

Remember, you’re more than your likes and followers. Your worth isn’t determined by an algorithm. It’s determined by the love you show yourself and the impact you make on the world.

Sexual Health Corner

The Purity Myth Meltdown

Alright, my fellow love warriors, buckle up because we're about to get real about the P-word. No, not that one - I'm talking about "purity." Remember that romantic dinner date I mentioned? There I was, looking like a whole snack in my little black dress, ready to dive into course three of five. That's when Prince Charming decided to drop the bomb. "You're great," he said, swirling his wine like the pretentious prick he is, "but I'm looking for someone... purer. You’ve been with other guys and I want to marry a virgin" Excuse me, what? Did I stumble into a time machine and end up in 1850?

Let's talk about this "purity" nonsense, shall we? In a world where we're fighting for equality, some folks still think a woman's worth is tied to her sexual history. Newsflash: It's not!

Here's the tea on purity culture:

It's a double standard: Notice how it's always women who need to be "pure"? Last I checked, it takes two to tango.
It's unrealistic: We're humans, not robots. Passion isn't a sin, it's part of life!
It's harmful: This mindset can lead to shame, guilt, and some seriously messed up relationships.
It ignores the importance of sexual health education and empowerment.

Ladies, your value isn't determined by your "body count". You're a queen, whether you're saving yourself for marriage or living your best Hot Girl Summer life. So next time someone tries to shame you for your past, channel your inner boss babe and tell them: "My worth isn't between my legs, it's between my ears." Then strut away and leave them with the bill. Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Opportunities Corner

Article Feature of the Month

Shame Culture and the Silence of Women by Victoria Akingbemila

Society understands that just forcing women to keep quiet wouldn’t work, as with the scold’s bridle, hence the instrument of shame. With shame, women question and negatively evaluate themselves till it impedes on their self-worth and their confidence takes a beating. Click for more.

We Want To Know

Annnnnnnnd, it’s a wrap!

The end of a thing is just as good as its beginning, and we are firm believers in good things lasting long enough to end. So, dearest gentle reader, we have come to the end of this month's newsletter. Till next month!

Written by Oreoluwa Ojo, David Ayorinde & TamaraTari Alakiri

Edited by Oreoluwa Ojo

One thing we do at #herstory is have great and impactful conversations!

The Monthly Recounting